Dude, Where's My Village?

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but that multigenerational community of relatives and neighbours has seemingly all but disappeared. Grandparents don’t live nearby, family and friends are busy with their own lives, and it can take years to get to know your neighbours. Modern parenting is isolating, with more than 60 percent of adults with kids reporting feelings of loneliness.

But that wasn’t always the case.

The Village We Grew Up In

Many parents of young kids today grew up going for weekly sleepovers at their grandparents’ house – rolling out their sleeping bag on the basement rug, and staying up way past their bedtime, watching a VHS tape of Angels In The Outfield behind mountains of popcorn and Gushers.

We relied on carpooling to get to swim practice and track meets. Honestly, riding backwards in the trunk of my friend’s mom’s station wagon and singing along to Ace of Base on the radio was a weekly thrill.

And it was common to have an afterschool playdate turn into staying for dinner, as long as you were home by curfew. Kids roamed free – at the park, the mall, the movie theatre – because someone’s parents always had an eye on you (and your home phone number if you got into trouble).

Flash Forward to the Present

The village that helped raise and nurture kids of the ‘90s doesn’t exist in the same way anymore. Families rely more on outsourcing paid childcare, whether that’s daycare, before- or after-school care, or babysitters for a night out.

We’re also spending more time than ever online and on social media, and these digital communities have in some ways become our de facto villages. More than 8 million people follow Reddit’s parenting subreddit, sharing the best and hardest moments of raising kids – from sleep training to teen attitudes – and Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube are all overflowing with parenting content, made for and by Millennials.

Sure, most of us don’t have the same type of village that helped raise us, but as a result, parents are more invested than ever in their kids’ lives, and Millennial dads spend way more time with their families than any generation before. We’re doing it our way – Googling the big questions, like “What’s a normal amount to spend on my 5-year-old’s birthday party?” and complaining about it online.

My village includes my sisters who live nearby, the teachers at my toddler’s montessori, a rotation of babysitters that come over when my husband and I go out, and the moms in my neighbourhood WhatsApp chat. I know I’m lucky to have family close — most families today report that they don’t. It’s a bit unconventional and a lot different than the village that raised me, but ultimately, the kids are alright.